Thank You, Free Market Economy

Usually during trips to WalPurgis-Mart(hereinafter referred to as "WP-M") things go pretty smoothly, which I guess is odd in and of itself because if there is one place where humanity clashes in the most violent of ways, not including murder, it is within the blue walls. But the other day was different. I've been to WP-M countless times, as I'm sure most of you have, but during the most recent trip something happened. Living here in Purgatory, I can remember the Blackout of '03(And I thank God that the good people of Great Lakes Brewing took advantage of everyone's misfortune with their wonderful Blackout Stout). More recently, there was the Blackout of '08(during which time I was home alone for four days wondering how to save a freezer full of breastmilk). As a consequence, rechargeable lanterns were in order. Anyway, the other day my wife and I headed to WP-M to pick up some basic discounted household goods. Due to the latest First Energy F*&$-up, there was a quick check for the aforementioned lanterns. This trip we were in luck, or so we thought. Upon arriving at the checkout we were greeted by Stolichnaya* who was amenable enough, until she rang up our lantern. As the register beeped I was greeted by a message which I have never before encountered. The little display on the register read "Unsellable Item." Stolichnaya promptly picked up our lantern, mumbled something about "You cannot buy" and started to walk away. As my wife looked at me questioningly I thought to myself, 'Good, now a manager will tell us why we can't buy this uber-desirable lantern.' Alas, it was not meant to be, as Stoli only walked as far as the returns cart, deposited the lantern, walked back to her register and continued to ring up our purchases. When my wife recovered from her shock and asked why we couldn't get the lantern, Stoli only said, "I don't know, register says you cannot buy, so you cannot buy." As we left the store sans lantern, my wife and I could only express disbelief at our "No Sale." Now, as I think back and as my liver processes some wonderful Goats do Roam 2006, I can only feel sadness. Sadness for Stoli. And for all of our Eastern Bloc brothers and sisters who were raised to believe that questioning authority(and unsellable Coleman lanterns) is a crime punishable by death. So I say to you all, "Rise Up!" Now is the time for change, people! Before one more person concerned about sitting in the dark for four days tries to buy a lantern and is denied. We need to stand up and be the change we need! Do it for me! Do it for my wife! But most of all, do it for Stolichnaya! Does she even know it's Christmas time at all?!