Floyd? Floyd, Please? You're Embarrassing Yourself.

There are a few things about competitive cycling that stink. First, from what I've heard, the smell of The Tour de France peloton near the ends of each stage; Second, saddle sores; Third, doping. And now you can officially add one more thing to that list: Floyd Landis. Without getting into a rant about how Landis was a punk from day one and that there was no way in hell that a guy with a degenerative hip disorder could have won a Tour without something in his blood stream, Landis has taken it upon himself to bitch and moan about Lance Armstrong; going so far as to say that Armstrong was doping during his Tour wins. Ass. I'm no Lance fanboy but that shit's just ridiculous. If Landis had been sober during Armstrong's Tour streak he would have noticed that the French hated Lance. Cycling fans, media, Tour organizers, all had it in for Armstrong. As a consequence, Armstrong's blood was drawn so many times he could have given himself a transfusion. I'll admit, I've backed the wrong horse (really, he's training other cyclists now?) before but the attitude of "I'm taking a lot of people down with me" is just too much from Landis. Hey Floyd, why don't you take your Robo-Hip and your "prescriptions" back to your family farm and live out your days in obscurity like I'm doing after my "brilliant" cycling career?

Who's on Parade

Daughter has recently become a connoisseur of a select few movies. Namely: Cinderella, Ratatouille, The Little Mermaid and Horton Hears a Who. She has seen each of these movies so many times that she knows the words and will sing along to the songs. Before you blame wife and I of shirking our parental duties, daughter also knows the words to each of her three Maisy books, both of her Little Wombat books and I Know a Rhino. But this post is about movies so, think bad thoughts if you must. Recently, brought about through the numerous viewings of Horton... I have noticed a peculiar and troubling thing: I think the Who's are ants! I guess that isn't so troubling in and of itself actually, because who doesn't love ants? I know I do! No, what troubles me about the Who's being ants is that I think they may be born into their stations in life. Why does that trouble me, you ask? 'Cause, like ants, the Who's being born into their stations means that they are born with the stuff they need to do their jobs. By stuff I mean their clothes! Slash Fur! Yeah, that's right, the Who's are nekkid! If you look very closely....NO! You don't see their junk! Pay attention! Ahem...If you look very closely you can kinda sorta maybe at times see that the Who clothes is fur. If you say "pshaw" well, ask yourself this: Why do you think none of them wear pants? Why would the folks who made the Who movie bother putting shirts on the Whos and not give them pants (it's true, you cannot be arrested for it but you might get a disorderly charge)? 'Cause the Who's ain't wearin' shirts! They're just covered in shirt-like fur! So the Who's are naked! No wonder the mayor's such a "busy" man!

W is for I'll Beat Your Ass

I tried to find the Nazi lamp, I really did. I searched about the attic but it's been disappeared. Wife probably got rid of it 'cause she hates when I call her grandma a Nazi. I say, "If the lamp fits." Anyway, after the Nazi quest I was stomping through the living room and something started talking to me. It was this. Daughter has quite a few Melissa and Doug products and up until now I've been cool with them. I repeat: Up until now. The alphabet puzzle is starting to piss me off. Apparently, in addition to being educational, the M and D puzzles are little earthquake-o-meters: When they sense vibrations they make noise. The alphabet puzzle says basic alpha stuff like: "A is for Apple" when you drop letters in or walk by. Except for daughter's. Hers is a smart ass and, for a half dozen times when I walked by, said "W is for Watermelon." Really, Melissa and Doug? Well, you know what? "Fire beats wood!"