Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I ain't scured! Much...

I'm a Dad so I'm not scared of much but there are a few things that get my blood boiling. The first two, spiders and heights, are obvious, if you value your life you should be scared of them too. The third is a painful death. I figure since life is so rough anyway, it would be a pisser if death hurt(Please God, just let me go to sleep one night and wake up in the morning sitting in a corner booth with Hemingway, van Gogh, Kurt Cobain and Brian). The last thing I realized I was scared of came about due to some krod deciding that my Jeep would be convenient to hydroplane into on I-90. As I spun around and stared into traffic coming at me at 60 mph hoping and praying that a semi wasn't lurking back there somewhere, I realized that I'm scared of sunroofs. I know, you're probably saying, "What kind of righteous Dude is scared of a sunroof. Well, me. As I faced an impending rollover that never came all I kept thinking was "What if my car flips and the sunroof glass breaks out?" I figured if that happened I'd have to do some heroic James Bond type handstand as sparks flew and gas leaked and bad guys followed with blazing machine guns. Easy right? No. You may not have guessed this from my quick wit but I weigh a tad more than the average Guy. With my luck my car would have flipped, all the glass in the car would have blown out, I would have lost a leg or two and then would have had to support my weight(and my bloody torso) so I wouldn't go through the sunroof. Of course at that point, jelly arms would activate, and my head would hit the pavement sliding past the open sunroof and I would slowly be ground away into nothing. A painful death. All this is in hindsight, obviously, but it brings home an important point: Sunroofs should be banned by the NHTSA. Oh, and provide for your family in case you meet my krod.

1 comment:

  1. my mom said you sold the mazda... what are you driving?

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