On the Daddy Tip #11

So, it's flu season. Everybody's running around, scared of a sneeze, washing their hands and covering their mouths. Basically, being the polite, responsible people that they should be year-round. If you're a good Dad, and what Dad isn't (maybe this one), you're getting geared up for flu shots for your family and you. You are getting flu shots, right? Yeah, me neither. Irregardless of a flu shot or not your kid will probably get the snots. That means sickness and maybe vomit. Probably diarrhea. That's why I'm here. No, not to clean up your kid's puke and crap; you wanted that particular problem so go deal with it. No, I'm here with a tip. Finally, after teasing you for a year, I present to you: The Doo-Juice Tip. Ready? Give your kid pretzels!!! "Wait, what? I thought you said juice," you say. Yeah. Stay tuned for brilliance. When your kid gets sick with the sickness and poops with the diarrhea, you will get worried and go to the hospital. The hospital people, aka doctors and nurses, will do something you will probably not be able to do: They will get your kid to take liquids. Yes, they cheat with IV's but they will expect you to be awesome and also get your kid to take liquids and will offer suggestions like: popsicles, Gatorade, Pedialyte, beer, etc... But here is something you may not know, but hospital people probably do: Your kid, as soon as He/she does not have a needle in their arm, will stop taking liquids. That is when you, Dad, say to the wife "Let's stop and get some pretzels, honey." Your wife will curse you but you will emerge from the Piggly Wiggly with low sodium (NOT no sodium) pretzels. And Pedialyte, Gatorade, beer, etc... And here's something you may not know, but your kid does: Pedialyte tastes like crap. Therefore, your kid will not drink it. So you, honorable, brave Dad, you will bust out the pretzels, open a beer, open the Pedialyte and show your kid what you do when you "run to the store" but come back smelling like, well like beer. Your bartender knows this trick. Why do you think He/she gives you pretzels for free? Your kid will be all like, "Want doo-juice, want doo-juice" (or at least mine was). And Bam!, rehydrated child! Don't thank me now. Just mention my name when your kid survives the flu, becomes President and feels the need to pardon some people.