Monday, January 25, 2010

This Elmo for Yew

I walked into the house yesterday after work and while I was saying "Wuz Up!" to wife, daughter runs over to me and presses some thing into my hand. Before looking at it thoroughly I ask daughter, "What's this?" Daughter replies, "This Elmo for yew." So without any further ado:



Usually, when some new toy shows up at our house wife will explain from whence it came. In this instance she didn't. I don't think she even knew this thing existed until I started messing with it. Maybe daughter got one of her other Elmo dolls wet.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Holy Knight

As many of you might know-and I use the word many very loosely-I am a fan of Notre Dame Football. And before you ask, I don't give a damn who coaches the team, as long as there is Notre Dame Football. As I've gotten older I've also come to appreciate the school and the education it represents. And having taken until I was 34 to get a degree I know that education is damned important in the fight to be what you want to be in life. So, early on during The Pregnancy, I made a push. Because we live in Cleveland (40% is not a typo) I swore that no child of mine would ever set foot in a Cleveland school. I told wife that if lump never even knew the Cleveland school district existed, I would die happy. Thus began the search for an education. And I settled on Gilmour Academy. Truthfully, it was only because they were founded by the Congregation of Holy Cross in Notre Dame, IN. Which brings me to tonight. Wife and I just got back from Gilmour for a Montessori preschool open house. And now wife is on my side. The people at this school are extremely intense about education. Great. And because daughter is awesome and she was a Little Lancer this past fall, the Dean of Lower School Admissions already knows her. Perfect. And wife is already planning to observe a class and have daughter interviewed. Two words: Boo. Yah. And then I looked at tuition. And I'm thinking I shouldn't have taken away the "Donate" button.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Because I'm a Ranger, Duh!

It seems as if I've gotten away from the Daddy stuff lately. Well, "It's an illusion!" I'm still totally aware of the fact that I have a daughter. Believe me, wife makes sure I don't forget. Anyway, I realize that a plea for camping money has no place in a daycare4dads. So, I'm moving the camping stuff. Yes, that is correct, sir. Now you can head on over to thelostranger.blogspot.com and scoff at my attempts to get out. Like I mentioned before, I'm planning a trip for June but I am a camping virgin so I'm hoping for some laughs, and some learning. But not death. Death is never funny. Unless it's that SpongeBob episode where he pretends to drown when he splits his pants. 60% of the time that one kills me everytime! Woo, yeah. So if you want to hang around the day care, feel free. I'm still gonna hit chu up wit dope-ness on this page. And if you want to know what it's like to get eaten by a black bear well, follow me on over to thelostranger. I swear I know where I'm going.

Monday, January 18, 2010

And Then Butter Said, "I'm on a Roll...A Roll!"

I remember when I was younger. At least people tell me I do. Truthfully, I can't even remember Christmas too well. But, one thing I do remember about being young-ish was how long everything took. Car trips, stupid cartoons, dinner. Everything took forever. Then I got old. And now I'm all of a sudden really old. 'Cause time speeds up; it's been proven. And since time never mattered to me, at least until I decided to make resolutions, it seems as if it's moving faster than ever. I've pretty much thrown 'pacing' out the window is what I'm saying. My vacation time is submitted (mid June) and I've reserved a room (it's the Jay because I love my cousin) for the night before and the night after and now I'm starting to plan seriously for camping. Woo-hoo! I think. I think because I've looked at a calendar and I realize that June is very close in spite of it only being January now. Close because I don't own a tent. Or a sleeping bag, sleeping pad, bear canister (at least it's not a Sasquatch canister), bear spray, stuff sacks, water purifier or maps. I do know that it's a nine hour drive to Keene Valley. I don't know what I'm going to eat for three days in the woods. Did I mention I've never camped outside of a backyard before? So I'll probably be adding a PLB to my shopping list. So, in light of all of my foolishness I'm making yet another pitch/plug. Give me money. Please. I've lowered the cost of my Kindle book to .99 cents so you can click on the new PayPal link I added to the lower left and donate the .50 cents I saved you to Chuck's Folly or Hey, That Guy That Got Eaten By A Bear/Sasquatch/Locals, I Read His Blog. I know you probably want to know, "What's in it for me?" right? Well, you can tell all your friends that you helped some old guy you don't know fulfill his dream of camping. Or you can be a total jerk, not give me any money and let me die unhappy. It's your choice.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Yes, They Continue

As promised here come more self-plugs. Amazon has done Kronos justice and taken only 24 hrs to make me an official seller on their website. Cool. Here's my book/collection/hopes and dreams for all to purchase and (hopefully) enjoy. If you don't have a Kindle, you might want to buy one first. Otherwise, you're just giving me fifty cents for nothing. Thanks! I'm gonna go stare at my Amazon page now...

Monday, January 11, 2010

Shameless Self Plugs 'R' Us

My stove keeps catching on fire. That is slightly problematic because I'm trying to use the stove. And fire can kill you. Lucky for me I have today off from work so if I need to hit up an ER, I don't have to use any sick time. Even though I have not done anything to furthur the survival of the human species today, I've been pretty busy. I've been working on knocking out at least one of my New Year's resolutions. No, it isn't the 'lose 50 lbs' one. I told you, pacing. No, I've been working on the uploading of Kindle tales. According to the digital text platform dashboard I probably won't see an Amazon.com entry for myself for at least 48 hrs. I suppose I can wait. I know you're giddy with anticipation though, I can see your tail wagging. So, here's my pitch (for today). My name is Nakia Johnson (I did not write Uptempo) and the three story collection is called A Bump in the Night. If you know how awesome a Kindle is (read: own one) then help me be famous and buy my stories. It'll only cost you $1.50 'cause I'm a cheap date and you will be supporting a worthy charity aka Nakia Johnson. I'm hoping to get some more stories up eventually so if you want to check back periodically you might get lucky. To get you in the spirit I've posted a pretty holiday picture of what is commonly referred to in the springtime (if you are standing in my basement) as "floodwaters." And now I've got to go, as my beans seem to be inflamed...

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Everyone Else is Doing It So....

I've never really been much for New Year's resolutions. I've just always figured 'Meh, another year of the same ol' shit everyday.' This year feels different, though. For some reason I feel the need for a change in my life. Maybe because I'm older now than I was a few days ago but I just need to change how I roll. I guess I'll start by making fun of the handicapped. In all seriousness though, I did feel the need to make a list of resolutions that I wanna get done. So, since I heard you were curious (and there's nothing wrong with that BTW), here it is:
1. Lose 50 lbs. I admit I'm fat but now it's time to stop accepting it. Plus, it seems like the best way to get in shape for...
2. Camp at least twice this year. Dayhiking is awesome (unless it's after dark O_o). There is a slight problem with this resolution though: I believe in Sasquatch. I'm being totally serious. Sasquatch scares the shit out of me and I'm really having trouble looking forward to camping with Him running around in the woods. I really need to get over this one though because of...
3. Be a Backpacker Magazine gear tester. I don't know if this one will be possible but I plan to give it the old college try. Funny story: It took me 16 years to get my two year associates degree. At least I'm not a quitter, are you?
4. This one involves my old southern belle flame: Get back to NOLA. At least once, even if it's for only a weekend. If you've ever been there, this one needs no explanation. If you haven't been, go.
5. Get published. This one is pretty much destined to happen. Kindle rocks with the Digital Text Platform which basically lets you upload a manuscript and charge people for it. Watch out Dan Simmons! Here's another funny for you: I submitted a story it took me seven years to write to Weird Tales and it was rejected. I then submitted it to Albedo as an entry for the Aeon Award for fantastic fiction and it was eventually long-listed for the 2008 award (It's A Bump in the Night). Ah, sweet, sweet revenge!
6. Get out more. Not just with my hiking. I also need to reconnect with some people and close some places down like I used to when I was kuhl.
7. Last but not least, and probably not even last: I've gotta move. I can't explain to you how shitty it is to live in Collinwood but it's pretty shitty.
So, there you have it. My list of stuff I gotta do. There are a few other things but they involve a lot of work and I'd hate to put too much pressure on myself. It's all about pacing. In case you forgot see, again, #3.